Someone shit on the floor
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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