chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
