I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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