My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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