I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
