I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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