grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
