You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dignity is for republicans.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
