What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
