I wanna passion pit in your ass
Welp...herpes.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
