Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
