NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
