the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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