i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
