I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The uberlube is also flammable
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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