"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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