The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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