Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
