His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
