I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
