too bad you live with your parents still
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
