I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He better not be in your backpack
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
