just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
