I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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