thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you will always have a special place in my vag
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
