At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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