I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
