oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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