I puked a lego.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
