i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
