hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I have fence marks all over my body
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
