She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
