3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
