No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
