Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
