just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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