You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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