you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
