Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
