I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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