Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
