Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She even gives head with a lisp.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
