My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
