I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
