Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
