His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
