so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
