Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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