this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Still dying that you shit outside
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
