whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize