she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
