Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize