The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
