I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize