I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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