Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
