We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
