Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
