Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
