she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
