I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
In other news, I just burned my penis
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
