Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
