no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
