4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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