How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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