I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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