OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
