I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
